I got fired this week.
I used to pride myself on having always chosen when & where I changed jobs. In 2009, I got laid off, and that gave me the opportunity to let go of that pride. An at least I could still say I’d never been fired…
In 2011, I was offered another job in architecture. So many weeds had grown up through the cracks of that sidewalk in two years, that I wasn’t sure I could step back into that role.
It was like stepping into ill-fitting shoes. You might say I finished the marathon, but with a lot of blisters and callouses.
This spring (2012) another wave of personal change flooded the “racecourse”, and this time it seems I couldn’t wade through the muck well enough to make it to the starting blocks…
So, I’ve been given another opportunity to release a sense of “professional” pride.
It feels kind of good, to walk away from a profession that no longer resembles the one I thought I entered in 1978. I no longer feel the need (or wish) to explain or excuse (to myself or others) my participation in a field where decisons seem based on money and maintaining an “upper hand”.
I accept that some might take issue with my view of architecture and real estate development. That’s okay. My world now seems less populated by people holding that POV, and I find myself less inclined to try to be diplomatic about it.
I’m feeling a powerful lightness of potentiality, to see that I may never again need to attend to the cares of guarding my speech around these topics. In fact, maybe I can just focus in my passions now, and not feel split apart by the illusion of “responsibility”.
Now I can post my blog entries on Facebook.
[explain]
You see, in spring 2010, my world changed dramatically. I discovered – and remembered – entire realms [mix] that feel like home. For the past two years now, I’ve been trying to function, stepping back and forth “between worlds”, and trying to understand [effort ill wild] how to both “stay in the race” and inhabit the peaceful world I’ve rediscovered.
Now I can step out of the race.
It’s a huge relief, because trying to run a race with a thick heavy wall dangling between your legs is pretty exhausting. Now I can step over that wall and keep both feet in the blissful pasture of living in the moment. It’s a new reality, that emerges more and more clearly every day. I suppose I could have taken that step while still working as an architect, but I felt kind of responsible for trying not to embarrass my associates…
My mind reels with the weightlessness of this new freedom, and as the Universe unwinds more freedom-string, I feel like this “flying thing” comes so much more naturally than jumping hurdles.
So I begin this weekend with gratitude and appreciation, to all who join me on this transparent path of soaring in the moment.
GHOST RADAR:
Overnight & In The Moment post
From: Saturday, Jul 7, 2012, 2:40 AM
To: Saturday, Jul 7, 2012, 9:08 AM
Sensitivity:
High Sensitivity
Words Spoken:
8:38:24 AM : grow
8:37:04 AM : wild
8:36:32 AM : ill
8:35:44 AM : effort
8:33:52 AM : mix
8:32:56 AM : explain
8:32:24 AM : course
8:12:40 AM : house
8:11:44 AM : missing
8:09:52 AM : location
8:09:04 AM : political
7:56:56 AM : village
7:55:52 AM : completely
7:53:28 AM : gun
7:52:16 AM : customs
6:38:00 AM : nest
6:37:44 AM : held
6:37:20 AM : twice
6:33:04 AM : science
6:25:52 AM : column
6:25:36 AM : two
6:17:12 AM : include
6:16:56 AM : studying
6:16:48 AM : wagon
6:15:28 AM : typical
6:15:12 AM : fact
6:14:32 AM : change
6:14:24 AM : Dr.
6:14:08 AM : tone
6:14:00 AM : we
6:13:44 AM : group
6:13:28 AM : near
6:13:20 AM : surrounded
5:14:24 AM : they’re
5:14:08 AM : save
5:13:52 AM : important
5:13:44 AM : company
5:12:24 AM : scene
5:09:44 AM : fairly
5:09:12 AM : ahead
5:08:40 AM : introduced
5:08:32 AM : occasionally
5:05:28 AM : physical
5:05:12 AM : fifty
4:29:04 AM : down
4:15:36 AM : lost
4:15:20 AM : remain
4:15:12 AM : lucky
4:07:36 AM : dust
4:07:20 AM : voice
4:06:32 AM : all
4:06:16 AM : struck
4:03:12 AM : ready
4:03:04 AM : people
4:02:48 AM : thread
4:01:04 AM : hollow
3:56:08 AM : edge
3:55:52 AM : building
3:55:44 AM : give
3:54:08 AM : cause
3:53:44 AM : early
3:53:28 AM : widely
3:53:20 AM : remarkable
3:52:40 AM : suggest
3:36:08 AM : mainly
3:20:32 AM : stove
3:20:24 AM : one
2:49:12 AM : should
2:41:44 AM : bush
2:41:20 AM : point
leslee hare 
Very best to you. I hope your new journey brings renewed opportunity of every dimension:)
I was going to say I was sorry to hear about the job loss. But after reading your thoughts I know you are closer to where you truly want to be. I can sense your joy. Everything will be fine Leslee.
Namaste
Walter
Thank you from my heart, Elena and Walter! You are both spot-on… Onwards & upwards! I was very grateful to have that work for a time (and now Lucas has been able to see one of my projects – we went my Opry Mills yesterday!), so I feel like it’s a very nice closing of a chapter, and I am very content to move forward :)
Hi Leslee…fired? Quit?
Deary me, I’m sorry…but only because that’s what people say.
I’ve spent my whole life owning my time – I wouldn’t know what to do actually working for someone.
Be warned – money matters and discipline are important.
Still – I feel your freedom. I won’t part with it for anything.
If it works for you, you will grow and change and – find that you can help people – really help them fly.
So, embrace, embrace, embrace…and keep an eye on those finances!
http://kolembo.wordpress.com/2012/02/06/aphrodisiac-2/
“Terminated”. It’s all good, Kenny; I’m smiling and looking forward, more than I can say, to not having to play the commute/give-others-your-soul-for-a-little-money game… ;)
Some folk have a hard time finding the blessing in something we usually fear. Well done, girl. Freedom is a heady brew….
Leslee – first an apology for not responding earlier – I blew it on a technicality which led to missing many posts from people I care about. I am paying penance and catching up. As your posts have indicated, leaving your work is a mixed blessing with practical considerations. I’m with Janet and Kolembo – “freedom is a heady brew” but “money matters and discipline are important”. I understand your ecstasy but please take practical care of the other side of the coin – the zen of the everyday – my thoughts are with you and we all know that endings are also beginnings – keep on truckin’…
All best wishes, little Indian of days gone by (wink!)….I’m going through some “life changes” too. I think we should just chunk it all; find a cozy cottage on a beautiful stretch of coastline somewhere; open a cheaply-unique souvenir shop, and leave our troubles behind!! (hahaha)
Love you always……….. :)
Bummer…but it seems like you’re trying to make the best of the situation. Something new will open for you, just gotta be patient (the hard part).