take-off…

January 16, 2012 //

(I had one of those dreams this morning…)

It seems to be the only type of dream I remember these days…

I found myself in a world that so closely resembled this one, I wasn’t sure it was different.

But it was.

(If you’ve read any of the His Dark Materials series by Phillip Pullman, you know what I mean)

Buildings there began spontaneously bursting into flames (no one was being hurt, thankfully… and no smoke… how cool!), and I knew that meant my time and work there were finished, and it was time to go.

So I called 911 on my mobile, and began to gather my things together, making sure I had the essentials:

…my journals, my bag with my pendulum-making supplies, and my bicycle…

I was done with the phone… no need for it any more.

In the past, in these dreams, I’ve always fretting about making sure I had my wallet as well. Not this time. No need.

As I walked up the hill, I remembered that my son was with me in this world, too.

And he looked exactly the same. Except his name was Wisco.

I found him at the transfer point, looking for me in the crowd. He had my bike! Good man!!!

We met amidst the bustle of confused people scurrying about, turned to walk together, and the dream ended.

It was a good dream.

Tags ascension new world illusion, dream wisco son city, hope family connection joy, parallel life universe alternate, philip pullman dark materials, photography bicycle shadow pine, world arises mind illusory

Categories Dreams

Dark And Light

January 15, 2012 //

dark and light

empty and full

blurry lines and crisp boundaries

holding all we know

blending all together

reaching out to touch one another

Tags dark darkness light contrast, photography trees winter sky, shadow self yin yang, spirituality good bad evil

Categories General Rants, Photography, Poetry, Relationships

Conversations With My Son.02

January 12, 2012 //

HAPPINESS IN THE HOLE

Who says you can’t buy happiness?

A tough morning with a doctor…

Add flour, water, sugar, oil & love (and a little chocolate)…

Who says there’s no panacea?

We call it Krispy Kreme & conversation!

(and a hug helps, too!)

Tags can't buy happiness panacea, Krispy Kreme doughnuts donuts, parental love mother son, Parenting autism spectrum, pediatric psychiatry doctor cure, sadness happiness tears smile

Categories Autism, ADHD, Asperger's Syndrome, Parenting

Conversations With My Son.01

January 11, 2012 //

My son talks with me a lot.

The conversations are often challenging, but words cannot convey the depth of love, pride, and amazement I feel when he asks questions that I doubt many 15-year-olds ask anyone.

And society teaches us that Autism is a disability. Makes you wonder.

Now, he may wish I were dead before this is all over, but I’ve decided to start writing about our conversations.

Some of the topics don’t belong on a blog that’s not rated “mature”, so I’m afraid you won’t hear about those (except in thickly veiled terms). But many of them seem quite universal. And having these conversations with a young adult who looks from a very a-typical point of view sheds a sometimes poignant perspective on the topics.

“Mom, am I a bad person?”

My heart wrenches, just remembering those words.

This question arose in the car on the way to school one morning, the day after he had told me about three incidents at school.

Incident 1:

“I kinda got in trouble today because I threw fluffy seeds on a kid when we were outside.”

Oh, he didn’t like it, huh?

“No, I guess not.”

Well, it might help to remember that, just like you can’t stand it when other people sing, other kids at school have their things that they can’t stand. So maybe this kid doesn’t like fluffy things.

“Yeah, maybe.”

So, why did you do it, anyway? Did you mean to upset him, or were you teasing him? Or you just wanted to see what he’d do?

“Well, I was doing this story in my head where this other guy and I were doing a joke to throw fluffy seeds on him, and see if it made him turn fluffy… And that kid just happened to be there.”

Oh, so you were doing a story, and it wasn’t even about the kid you threw the seeds at?

“Right.”

Oh, okay. Well, just try to remember that you don’t like people singing around you, so it’s nice to be considerate of others when you do things to them, and ask yourself if you think they’d really like it. Okay?

“Okay.”

Incident 2:

“Well, there was this other thing that happened…”

Yeah? What was that?

“Well, I kinda went ‘Arrghhh’ (gesticulating a lunge) at SingerBoy today because he was singing and I didn’t want him to.”

Ooooh… Wow, that’s pretty agressive! So this is back to having consideration for others, isn’t it?

“Yeah…”

So, what did SingerBoy do when you did that?

“Well, he kicked me in the… you know…”

(I’m sorry – I couldn’t help but laugh…) Gee, I hear that really hurts!

“Yeah…”

So you must have really made him mad. Maybe he thought you were picking a fight. And you know, maybe his Dad has taught him to fight back when someone picks on him…

(silence)

And you know he really loves to sing… Just like you love to do your stuff. You wouldn’t like it if someone lunged at you for leaving bits of sticker paper on the floor, would you?

“Well, no…”

Incident 3:

“This little kid asked me what I was playing on my DS today, and I said, ‘Well, you don’t really need to know; it’s rated Teen’. And then he said, ‘Oh, Ghost Recon. That’s nothing. I play Halo.”

Such confusion. To the literal mind, never in the world would a 10-year-old be playing Halo, of all things! So I focused on the tone of voice.

You know, it sounds like you might have been talking a bit like a Know-It-All… People kinda don’t like Know-It-Alls…

(silence)

Do you know what a Know-It-All is?

“Well, I guess not… Someone who knows everything?”

Explanations ensued. How we make friends. How we think about other people’s feelings. How we try to get along with others (amazingly, he was actually listening).

How, in a school, where EVERYONE has something that drives them nuts (since it’s a school especially for kids with ADHD, Autism, Asperger’s, etc.), it’s especially important to understand that we never know what’s going to push someone’s buttons…

(silence)

Do you know what “Push Someone’s Buttons” means?

“Well, no…”

More explanations.

The things we take for granted, assuming others automatically understand…

All in that 30-minute ride home. It was enough of a dose of parenting to last us both all night. I tend to focus so much on trying to help him understand “appropriate” (read: expected) behavior, hoping he’ll get less-blind-sided by life that way.

Yes, he thought about it, so much so that by the next morning, he was worried that he might be a “bad person”.

Geez, is there any part of parenting that’s not guess-work?

I wonder if priests feel this way when they hear confessions. At least with my son and our long commute, we can spend the aftermath doing damage control.

It’s far more fun spending half an hour telling my kid how awesome he is, and how the other kids might have gotten ‘talks’ too (since in many cases their actions deserve a little discussion, as well), and watching the smile and raised eyebrows of relief spread across his face… than it is to lecture on how we should behave in order to keep out of trouble.

Thank goodness both sink in.

And like magic, the next day is a good day.

Tags ADHD autism aspergers diagnosis, halo ghost recon 3DS, parenting challenge special needs, speech and mindfulness, teenage socialization appropriate behavior

Categories Autism, ADHD, Asperger's Syndrome, Emotions and Actions, Parenting, Relationships

knock, knock – who’s there?

December 28, 2011 //

I’ve been reading quite a few books, blogs, and websites in the past several months, and I’ve noticed some patterns. Also, a dear friend asked me recently if I could help them learn how to better connect with their spiritual guides.

When we feel confused, we become particularly susceptible to thinking that another person holds the answers for us. Sometimes I feel like I’ve spent most of my life in that state!

It helps me to view teachers as stepping stones, rather than destinations.

I sure haven’t figured it all out, but over the years I’ve become happier, so I figure something’s working. Since I’ve noticed some patterns, I’ll share some observations:

1. Please follow what you feel best suits you, in your heart, as often as you can.

2. Please read this post in my blog All About Enlightenment, about what to look for in a spiritual guide.

3. Please turn your back peacefully and confidently on anything or anyone who seems to enocurage you to feel fear, guilt, regret, or inadequacy.

4. Please try your best to reach an understanding of how none of us actually exist. None of our joys or sorrows or accomplishments or failures or possessions or losses have any power over us, other than the power that we give them.

5. You have nothing to fear.

6. There is no one to criticize.

7. No one can send you to heaven or hell; only we can do that to ourselves.

There exist beings “out there” that we may not be able to see or sense. ‘Out There’ simply means that we don’t recognize them as parts of our Self.

But that’s what they are. We’re all connected in so many ways… Usually on levels that we, in our ‘gross’ bodies, find elusive.

We all bear light, and we all harbor dark sides, too.

This creates balance. This allows us to make choices.

We arrive here swaddled in forgetfulness, and choose whether to exit this moment in confusion, or with wisdom and joy.

No politician, disclosure, stock market, currency, teacher, relative, boss, judge, doctor, offspring, failure, success, meal, muscle, organ, weather, conquest or evasiveness offers true relief or condemnation from our choice to have appeared on this planet, in this moment, with this set of conditions and riddles.

Because we’re born into forgetting, we may find ourselves at the mercy of a few who have figured out a bit more of the game.

Some people get a taste of power and that fall into the trap of thinking that the adrenaline rush is the prize.

Knowledge produces strength. Some might say that ‘knowledge is power’, but power distorts.

Strength multiplies itself when shared with others.

When we meet people who relish their own power as a means of bending others to their will, we can recognize this in many forms.

Some are obvious, and these usually provoke anger. We can deal with that easily enough.

The ones that can lead us ’round the bend into the dark noggy place are the ones who pose as teachers and healers, while withholding the means we can use awakening ourselves.

Or, who pose as teachers and healers just because they seem to have more knowledge than some others. Et cetera.

Fact: as long as you’re in a body, you’ve still got something to learn.

Accept and enjoy.

Don’t let anyone intimidate you with rank or knowledge.

At the same time, maintain humility, because…

Fact: As long as you’re in a body, there will always be another ‘body’ that knows something you don’t.

We designed the Universe that way.

(‘We’ as in all of us.)

We can access all the knowledge we need; we’ve taken the first step when we dare to believe this might be possible.

We’ve taken the second step once we become willing to trust in ‘the unknown’.

With two steps, we find our feet planted on a completely new path.

Don’t worry – you’ll find friends and kindred spirits quickly.

It’s one amazing ride – relax and enjoy!

[This is a re-post from: http://thinktoask.com/2011/12/28/knock-knock-whos-there/]

Tags all being together as one, gratitude for teachers, guide guidance leadership example, lessons learned spiritual path, peace of mind confidence, spirituality religion enlightenment ascension, universal oneness connected world

Categories Buddhism, Enlightenment, The Mind

Unfolding The Year…

December 28, 2011 //

I love this in-between week each year.

Wedged between the family/friend/work holiday bustle, and the New Year’s beginning, anything may happen.

I decided to take a little time and unfold this year of unfolding.

I dedicate this post to all my loved ones and friends, especially those with whom I’ve not been in touch as much as I would have liked. I love you all and think of you often, even if I seldom take the time to tell you that. And I hope you know who you are… if you wonder whether you’re one, then you are one :)

The rose blooms, while spinning wildly…

Centrifugal force flings the petals wide; centripetal force draws the heart in tenderly. Reflection yields peace of mind.

I’ve learned that I can be both spontaneous and thoughtful without contradiction.

I’ve learned that I can be both fearless and scared s**tless at the same time.

I’ve learned that there are some secrets best kept hidden, and some best shared. And that none of them merit shame.

I’ve learned that what was lost may easily be replaced.

I’ve learned to trust and leap – it all turns out fine in the ‘end’.

I’m learning to trust myself…

I’ve learned to accept my wrinkles and aches, and the brevity of life.

I’ve learned who I was in some previous lives, and that helps me understand that sometimes it’s good to have a brief life.

I’ve learned that I’m not crazy, and that I’m not alone.

And that even if I were crazy and alone, that would be okay, too.

I’ve learned that life and needs and wishes flow unpredictably…

So I decided just to lie back into the current and watch the sky as I travel.

I’ve learned that I don’t need to be afraid of telling people what I think and believe and experience… but it helps if I don’t expect them to understand.

They can love me anyway – it’s possible.

So, my friends, this little blog exposes just the tip of the iceberg of what’s been going on in my life recently.

If you look on All About Enlightenment, you’ll get a glimpse of something that began for me back in 2010. That’s been a huge part of my life since then. Lately I’ve been focusing on using it to publish the parts of the book by the same name. But as soon as I get the last half-dozen or so sections posted, I’ll start talking more about how I came to this point, and how I use the pendulum.

It’s pretty wild. I’ve been talking with Enlightened Beings.

If you look on Because U Think To Ask, you’ll get a very early peek at something that arose in my life very recently (this past September). I’m still trying to make sense of it all, but I think I’m onto something here, because through this I’ve connected some really wonderful people who have really pure hearts. That refreshes me.

It’s pretty wild, too. Now I’m also talking with “Extra-Terrestrials”.

What surprised me about this the most is that I’m seeing that the line, veil, whatever you want to call it, between the two types of being becomes very, very thin at times.

As I come to understand better how things work together in this Universe, it deeply reassures me.

I’ve learned that most of the people in this world seem to be terrified of the unknown. But, you know what? There’s nothing to fear.

If you look on Raging Pandit (once I get something posted…), you’ll find some strong words that need saying about modern Buddhism and faith and religion in general.

Many of you know that I was a Buddhist nun for 4-1/2 years; these posts will help explain why I’m not one any more.

Thank you for joining me on this journey, meeting me on the lane, and appearing in my dreams. I love you all.

May we all have an eye-opening, heart-warming, soul-inspiring 2012.